Last Day to Submit a Question For the Grants Hotline

Let’s talk about Dolly Parton for a minute.

You probably know that Dolly wrote “I Will Always Love You.” (Scott: No, we don’t)

You probably know that Dolly wrote “Jolene.” (Scott: What’s a “Jolene”?)

But did you know that Dolly wrote “I Will Always Love You” and “Jolene” on the same day? It’s true! That is a pretty amazing day. (Scott: Perhaps not as amazing as when I learned to whistle and blow a bubble on the same day, but I’ll give you this one)

You know what you could write that would make it an amazing day for you? You could write a question for our Grants Hotline!!

(Folks, this is the best I have at this point. After four blog posts asking for questions, I’m all out of ideas. Plus, I’m going to the Willie Nelson concert tonight, and I’m feeling a little distracted. Did you know that when Willie Nelson was writing the song “Crazy,” his first draft used the word “stupid” instead? This is also true! Willie is 86 years old and still touring…incredible. It’s probably because he owes the IRS millions in back taxes, but I digress…)

Today IS the last day to ask questions for our Grants Hotline. We have gotten several, but would love to have a few more. Once again, here is the form for you to submit. Deadline is whenever the Willie Nelson concert ends tonight!

Top 5 Reasons You Should Stop What You Are Doing and Submit a Question to the Grants Hotline

5. It’s a good excuse to get you out of that phone call that should have been an email
“Hey, Bob. Really sorry but I’m going to have to bail on our call this afternoon. I have a major project I’m working on, and the deadline is coming up soon. No, no, don’t reschedule just for me. You guys go ahead.”

4. You can use it as cover while adjusting your Fantasy Football lineup
Speaking of fantasy football, let me take a quick moment here to remind everyone that nobody else cares about your fantasy football team. You might think we are interested in hearing you debate about whether to use Patrick Mahomes or Gardner Minshew as your starting quarterback, but actually no. We don’t. Tough but true.

3. Make it a fun, team-building exercise!
Step 1: Rent one of those sweet 15-person passenger vans so everyone can squeeze in together (people love that)
Step 2: Take the whole gang to Applebees and order Appletinis for all!
Step 3: Over some kind of (probably fried) appetizer, ask everyone to think of a question for the Grants Hotline
Step 4: Best question wins a free Southern Apple Fritter!

2. What else are you doing right now that is more important?
Admit it, you’re right in the middle of a Facebook post about your fantasy football team, aren’t you? I knew it! 

1. We really really really really need more questions
We have received a few, but I would love to have a bunch more. Yes, you technically have until Friday to get your questions in, but why not just do it now and help me keep my blood pressure down? Here’s the form for you to use:

Three Announcements You Should Definitely Read

Announcement #1: Google Hangouts On Air Is Dead But CMEpalooza Is Not

Here is an abbreviated version of my email exchange with Scott yesterday morning:

Scott: Google killed Hangouts On Air last month. It’s gone.

Me: Well…that’s not good.

Scott: Nope. We should probably find an alternative.

[googles “Google Hangouts On Air alternative”] 

[clicks first link he sees]

Scott: Problem solved. I found something.

Me: Great. Let’s use that.

And that’s pretty much how it all went down (minus a few swear words and inappropriate gestures.) Google did indeed kill Google Hangouts On Air (GHOA), which is the platform we have used to run CMEpalooza since it’s inception. And in about five minutes, we (Scott) found an alternative to use that is pretty dang close to the same as GHOA. We are still testing it out, but have been pleased with how it has performed during our trial runs. I really don’t think you will see much of a difference. With the certainty of death, taxes, and the Phillies bullpen blowing a 3-run lead, CMEpalooza will continue on.

Announcement #2: The CMEpalooza Archive Has Been Updated

I updated the CMEpalooza archive to include all of the sessions from 2019 CMEpalooza Spring. We now have a total of…I don’t know how many sessions. Honestly, it was sort of a stressful day and I didn’t bother to count them. It’s a lot. I’m going to guess it’s 97 sessions in the archive. Ninety-seven sounds like a good number. It’s also the same number of times I banged my head on my desk when I found out GHOA was gone.

Announcement #3: Send In Your Questions For The CMEpalooza Grants Hotline

Yes, they’re not due until September 13, but why wait? Click here and send them in now!! 

The Grants Hotline is OPEN!

The following is a factual statement: the #1 requested topic for CMEpalooza (Every. Single. Time.) is “More content about grants.” It doesn’t matter how many times we do one, people want more. With that in mind, now is your opportunity to get all your grants-related questions answered. The Grants Hotline is officially open and operators are standing by!

Our Grants Hotline session is scheduled for 11 AM ET during CMEpalooza Fall (Wednesday, Oct. 16), and the concept is fairly simple. Submit your question via one of the methods listed below and our expert panel will answer it*. That’s it, that’s the session. The more questions you ask, the more content we have.

*I feel obligated to state that your question needs to be related to the grants process, panelists can opt out of questions they aren’t comfortable answering, and we might not be able to get to every question. So for all you wisenheimers who want to come up with a “hilarious” question that you think will “make our day,” I mean, go ahead, but you’ll be wasting some of your wonderful creativity on an audience of, maybe, two people.

How to submit your questions:

Option #1:

Option #2: Text your questions to the Grants Hotline at 267-666-0CME (0263)

We are going to leave the Grants Hotline open until September 13, so you have two weeks to get your questions in. After that, you will just have to wait until CMEpalooza on October 16. Rumor has it that our fearless moderator will be showing off his Hotline Bling dance moves at the end of the session. Tune in to find out! (note: he didn’t actually tell me that he would be dancing, nor did I ask him, but he also didn’t not tell me that he would be dancing, so who knows?)

A CMEpalooza Fall Agenda Sneak Peek

Momentum is only as good as the next day’s starter. – Earl Weaver

Exactly one month ago, Scott wrote a blog post trumpeting “We have momentum!” We then proceeded to write a grand total of zero blog posts since then. That’s some momentum. Personally, I blame the heat. It’s been so hot in Philly, the dog swore at me when I tried to take her out for a walk. Who knew greyhounds had such a potty mouth?

The good news is that, despite our lack of blog momentum, we have actually been doing some work behind the scenes, and our CMEpalooza Fall agenda is rounding into shape nicely. It’s not quite ready for prime time, but I thought I would at least give you all a sneak peak into what I think might be our best agenda ever (and yes, we say that every year). So, here are a few things you can expect in the 2019 CMEpalooza Fall agenda:

  • An exclamation point in the title of a session
  • A reworking of the lyrics to Drake’s Hotline Bling
  • A Back to the Future II reference
  • Pet rocks, mood rings, and Cabbage Patch Dolls
  • A CME detective
  • Quizzo!
  • Mystery session(s) (to build suspense)

If that doesn’t get you excited for CMEpalooza Fall, then I don’t know what will. Fingers crossed, we hope to have the agenda close to finalized and posted in the next week or two. Stay tuned!

***

On a more serious note, I wanted to offer a brief tribute to my dad, Don Warnick, who passed away a few weeks ago. Perhaps this is a silly place to do such a thing, but Dad was extremely proud of CMEpalooza, even though he didn’t really understand how it worked or what I do. He was my sounding board when I first came up with the idea for palooza, encouraged me to give it a try even though I expected it to fail, and loved the fact that I was creating something new and unique. The least I can do is mention how important he was to me and to the development of CMEpalooza in one of my blog posts. I think he would have gotten a kick out of that.

Welcome to Our New Blog Subscribers

We have gotten a bunch of new subscribers to the blog recently (now over 500 total!), so I thought I should throw up a quick blog post to welcome everyone and say hi. It also seems like a good time to let everyone know that we are bringing CMEpalooza to a close, and we will be transitioning this site into a full-time Philadelphia 76ers fan blog. We had a good run with the palooza, but now it’s time for us to focus on our true passion, starting with a detailed overview of who the Sixers should be targeting in free agency. Below, I have highlighted some of the top available backup centers that the Sixe.. um, hang on a moment…

OK, I am being told by Scott that we are not bringing CMEpalooza to a close and transitioning the website to a Sixers fan blog. Something about already having sponsors lined up and that people like CMEpalooza and don’t like my constant basketball references, etc, etc. I dunno, I usually tune out after about 30 seconds of Scott’s ranting, so I wasn’t really paying attention, but apparently we are still doing CMEpalooza Fall and even have a planning meeting scheduled for later this week. If, like me, you are disappointed not to read more about the Sixers potential free agency moves, feel free to shoot me an email and I will be happy to discuss.

As I was saying, the only things in life as constant as taxes and baseball is CMEpalooza. We will be back at it again on Wednesday, October 16 and will have an agenda for everyone…sometime before that. If anyone has an interesting session idea, or a speaker suggestion, or just something creative we can do, let me know. We need all the help we can get (note from Scott: Speak for yourself. I have enough ideas for both of us, as usual).

One idea I’m currently workshopping and plan to suggest to Scott for the fall is intro music for all our panelists. Who doesn’t love intro music? Frankly, I think every conference should do this when introducing speakers. I can’t think of any presentation I’ve ever listened to that wouldn’t have been immediately improved by the presenter walking to the podium while “Welcome to the Jungle” blared overhead. There is the small detail that we don’t use podiums during CMEpalooza — and it’s virtual, so no one needs to walk anywhere — but I’m sure we can figure something out.

(Side note: My intro music would definitely be AC/DC’s Thunderstruck, which I would also use if I ever decide to pursue a career in professional wrestling. I would have “The Thunder Down Under” written across the back of my wresting shorts and my finishing move would be the Thunderous Elbow Drop. After subduing my opponent with a Thunderous Elbow Drop, I would turn to the audience and yell out “YOU’VE BEEN” and they would respond by screaming in unison “THUNDERSTRUCK!!!” I’ve thought about this a lot.)

So, to recap:

  • Welcome to all our new blog subscribers
  • CMEpalooza Fall is October 16
  • This is not a Sixers blog
  • Send me all your good session ideas (not your bad ones)
  • Intro music for presenters is awesome
  • I may have shared too much about my future pro wresting plans

I think that covers all the important topics of the day. Have a great week everyone!

 

REMINDER: Please Take the CMEpalooza Spring Survey

I am writing this while watching basketball and don’t trust myself to string together enough coherent sentences to make an actual paragraph, so I’m just going to make a list.

  1. If you haven’t already taken our CMEpalooza survey, please do so now. We really do read them and use your feedback for planning purposes, so please take 30 seconds to fill it out. Here is the link. (PLEASE NOTE: if you’re just going to complete the survey in order to complain about sound quality or audio issues, then you can skip it. We know about the audio issues. Trust me…we know. I die a little inside every time someone’s audio glitches or the mic doesn’t pick them up. It’s annoying to listen to, I know. We do the best we can with it.)
  2. A big THANK YOU to everyone who participated and watched CMEpalooza. We had 291 live views for our first session of the day (always the most viewed session), which is truly mind-blowing. That’s about 70 more views than our previous high for a live session. (I know no one cares about these numbers, but indulge me for a moment.)
  3. We have a question on the survey about your favorite ’80s sitcom and someone responded with “Best ’80s sitcom was Night Court…prove me wrong.” I loved Night Court and would give it the award for most underrated ’80s sitcom with no hesitation, but calling it the best is clearly incorrect. Cheers is the correct answer and always will be. As great as Night Court was, Cheers was an almost perfect sitcom with some of the great main and supporting characters of all-time and individual episodes that people still talk about today (the Jeopardy! episode, etc.) (Note from Scott: I never like to agree with Derek about anything, but he’s right about this one. Cheers is the clear No. 1 choice here)
  4. As a follow-up to #3, a surprising number of people listed ALF as their favorite ’80s sitcom, and by surprising I mean more than zero. We have always promised to never require pre-registration for CMEpalooza, but I’m now considering requiring a one-question pre-reg that is simply, “Was ALF your favorite ’80s sitcom?” and everyone who answers yes gets redirected to the CBI registration page or something. C’mon, folks, we are better than this! (Another note from Scott: Scratch my previous comment. ALF is the clear No. 1 choice here. Free CMEpalooza registration for life for anyone who made this wise deduction)

BREAKING: Derek WILL Be at CMEpalooza Tomorrow

Good news, folks! I received an email a few minutes ago notifying me that I have been excused from jury duty tomorrow and do not need to report to city hall. This is especially good news because I completely forgot that I had jury duty until I got this email:

You are probably thinking to yourself right now, wow, that’s super lucky that Derek got excused and what a crazy coincidence that he would have jury duty on the very day of CMEpalooza.

This is the part where I tell you that I actually had been originally scheduled for jury duty back in March and asked to have it moved. When they asked me what day, I looked at my calendar and marveled at how open my schedule was for April 17 and decided that would be a great day to have jury duty.

The lesson, as always, is that I am an idiot.

See you all tomorrow!

Where Do I Watch CMEpalooza?

Where do I watch CMEpalooza?
You watch it on the LIVE page.

Will people be able to hear me on the Hangout?
No. You are not on the Hangout. You are only watching a video feed of the Hangout. You can play William Shatner’s spoken word version of Rocket Man at full volume and no one will hear you except your neighbors, who might call the police, who might interrupt you while watching CMEpalooza. So, don’t play William Shatner’s spoken word version of Rocket Man at full volume while watching CMEpalooza.

Can I watch CMEpalooza at the office?
Yes.

Can I watch CMEpalooza at home?
Yes.

Can I watch CMEpalooza in a conference room with 150 other people?
Please do.

Can I watch CMEpalooza while at a coffee shop?
That depends. Will you be drinking a skinny latte while watching? If yes, then no, you may not watch CMEpalooza Fall while at a coffee shop.

Can I watch CMEpalooza with Magic Johnson?
I don’t know. Let’s ask him.

I guess he’s busy.

Do I have to pre-register or register?
Nope.

Do I have to pay anything to watch CMEpalooza? I love paying registration fees.

No. You don’t have to pay anything to watch CMEpalooza.

Do I have to take a survey afterward?
Well, you don’t have to, but it would be nice if you did. It’s only seven questions and shouldn’t take you more than 60 seconds. If it takes you more than 60 seconds, Scott will come to your house and perform his new one-man show for you, Game of CMEpalooza Thrones.

Can I get a certificate for watching CMEpalooza?
Actually, yes. Well, kind of. We’re not accredited or certified or anything like that, and we have no way of verifying whether you actually watched any of these sessions or not. But if you want a certificate of completion that you can use to self-report participation in CMEpalooza Spring 2019, here you go. I’ll also post it on the LIVE page tomorrow.

How do I ask questions to the presenters?
Good question. There are three ways you can ask questions:

  1. Send a text to the ASiM text line at 267-666-0CME (0263)
  2. Tweet a question using the #CMEpalooza hashtag
  3. Click on the Google Slides link on the LIVE page and enter your question there

We always get to as many questions as we can throughout each presentation.

Do I have to watch all the sessions?
YES! No. Watch what interests you.

Will the sound quality for each presenter be crystal clear with consistent volume and no glitches?
No. Will it be pretty good for most presenters? Yes. There will be some who sound better than others. There may be a few glitches and hiccups. That’s just how it goes with a free conference where presenters volunteer their time and use their own equipment. Some people aren’t comfortable doing a presentation while wearing headphones and a mic, so we don’t force them to use it. We do the best that we can with what we have available to us. That said, there seems to have been some improvements within Google Hangouts this year, so perhaps we’ll get lucky

What if I’m busy during the day of the live broadcast?
All the sessions will be archived on the website, probably within 15 minutes of the conclusion of each session. How are we able to do it so fast? We have a new intern who is a real crackerjack on the interwebs. Here he is hard at work, writing our latest blog post.