If you missed previous segments of the CMEslinger saga, you can read them here:
And now, our final segment:
Part 8: Finale (Derek)
With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, the man in black read through the lyric of Docs Want Their CME. This tune was all wrong for him. While he projected the vibe of a scruffy outlaw with a gravelly low voice, the truth of the matter is that his singing voice was closer to the soulful tenor of Peter Cetera or Christopher Cross than the rumbling baritone of Mark Knopfler. This had the potential to be a disaster.
But he would do it, anyway. He would sing. Not for the CMEslinger, gods no. He would sing for Sierra, despite her being the offspring of a no-good honky-tonk clown. Sierra had talent and the man in black knew the CME world could ill afford to lose anyone of her caliber. He would sing for the industry that he loved.
“When are we doing this?” he growled quietly, interrupting Sierra and the CMEslinger’s conversation.
“Tomorrow morning,” Sierra replied, glancing at the time on her phone. “Ugh, can you two hang out here for a couple minutes? I have a meeting with my boss that I’m supposed to be at, well, right now. She said it wouldn’t take very long, so I should be back soon.”
Without waiting for a response, Sierra yanked open her office door and walked out. A moment later, she popped her head back in.
“Hey. Thanks, Walter.”
And then she was gone.
The man in black and the CMEslinger sat quietly, not saying a word to each other. The CMEslinger started to ask about the man in black’s hidden singing talent, but the man in black quickly hushed him with a raised finger and slow shake of his head. He was not in the mood and the CMEslinger, for once, decided not to antagonize him. So, they sat silently, waiting for Sierra to return.
Fifteen minutes later, as the CMEslinger absently flipped through the most recent edition of JCEHP and the man in black started to nod off with his chin on his chest, Sierra walked back through the door with a stunned look on her face. Seeing it, the CMEslinger dropped the magazine and stood up.
“What is it? What happened?”
Sierra walked over to her calfskin executive chair and flopped down.
“I just got laid off.”
“What?” the CMEslinger and man in black both barked simultaneously.
“Yeah, it wasn’t just a meeting with my boss. HR was there, too. I had no idea-“
The CMEslinger interrupted.
“You mean you were fired, right? If they found out what happened, they fired you, not laid you off.”
Sierra sighed.
“If you would let me finish. No, I was not fired. I was laid off. We all were—the entire grants department. There has been a change in leadership. The board voted out Vandersnook last night and installed a new CEO. They didn’t even tell me his name, just that he has been charged with increasing efficiencies by decreasing redundancies and to get it done as quickly as possible. He sees IME and company-led education as a redundancy and in choosing between the two, he prefers to keep the one that allows the company to maintain the most control. And just like that…*poof*…my entire department was eliminated. We’re out.”
The CMEslinger leaned back in his chair.
“So, they don’t know about…”
He waves vaguely at the papers scattered on Sierra’s desk.
“…all of this? Your late-night call to IT?”
Sierra shrugged.
“I guess not. No one has said a word to me about it.”
“Unbelievable.”
Everyone sat in stunned silence for a moment. Then the CMEslinger started up again.
“Well, I’m sorry you got laid off, sweetheart. Huge bummer. Though, given your current circumstances…”
“Thanks. Yeah, it certainly could have been worse. And don’t call me sweetheart in the office, Dad.”
“Right, right. I have to say, you are taking this news surprisingly well.”
Sierra gave a small smile and shrugged her shoulders again.
“Well, I assumed I was going to be fired, so being laid off is sort of a step up from that, especially considering that Tower provides a decent severance.”
The CMEslinger nodded.
“Nice.”
“And while Marge loved the idea of making Mr. Man in Black here sing, I think deep down she knew it wasn’t a plan likely to work. Just before you two showed up she told me that if things went poorly, she’d happily take me back at TAXIE.”
The CMEslinger grunted.
“So, a severance payout from Tower and a return to your job at TAXIE? Not bad. Not bad at all. God bless, Marge.”
“God bless, Marge.”
From his seat beside the CMEslinger, the man in black finally piped up.
“So…I don’t have to sing?”
The CMEslinger and Sierra both laughed.
“No, Walter,” the CMEslinger said mockingly. “You don’t have to sing. You can thank the Tower Board of Directors for that.”
“Don’t you start,” growled the man in black. “Just because Marge calls me Walter doesn’t mean you can, too.”
The CMEslinger rolled his eyes and turned to Sierra.
“C’mon, kid. You deserve a drink. Pickletinis on me.”
Sierra groaned.
“Just a glass of red for me, thanks.”
They both stood and the CMEslinger wrapped Sierra in a big, slightly awkward hug. She wasn’t used to this kind of outward display of affection from her father but appreciated his attempt at warmth. As they walked out the office door together, the CMEslinger paused and looked over his shoulder.
“Hey. Man in black. You coming?”
The man in black frowned as he rose from his seat.
“Yeah, I’m coming. But I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if I’m going to have one of those dang pickletini drinks.”
He joined the duo and the three of them left the building together, the man in black quietly humming the opening to Docs Want Their CME. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad song after all.
*****
For anyone who prefers to have the Return of the CMEslinger saga in one complete document, here is a PDF version with all eight chapters. Feel free to print it out and have it bound in leather with gilt edged pages.
CMEPALOOZA 