Part 8 – The Finale (Scott)
Out in the hallway, it was chaos.

The CMEslinger could only sit in mute silence as he heard Alex, his vice president of education and longtime protegee, pacing up and down the halls calling out in a panic, “Has anyone seen the CMEslinger?”

The man in black snickered until he heard Rachel, his lead project manager who he had stolen from a competing organization just 5 months ago, pacing disgustedly down the hall muttering, “It figures the man in black would desert us now.”

For two men who were used to calling the shots, the wait was more agonizing than the end of Game 7 during the 2019 playoff series between the Toronto Raptors and their beloved Philadelphia 76ers, more nerve wracking than watching a souffle rise (or not) in the oven, more torturous than watching Love Actually for the third time. Both men had confidence in the teams that they had assembled to help them execute their satellite symposia, but for a showdown whose stakes were so high, it was nigh impossible to be this removed from the action.

“Has anyone seen the CMEslinger?”

“What happened to the man in black?”

The exasperated yelps eventually died down as the clock hit 6 p.m., presumably meaning that the doors to both symposia had opened, and the competition was now, truly and finally, on.

6:13…6:14…6:15

Time slowly ticked by. The CMEslinger and man in black glared at each other from opposite sides of the worn couch, sneering with curled lips and furrowed eyebrows.

6:27…6:28…6:29

“How about we pass the time with the only true test of a man’s character?” the CMEslinger asked his rival.

“Yahtzee it is,” the man in black responded with a nod. “Marge?”

Of course, Marge was well aware of the peculiarities of the two combatants, and dug into her bag for her well-worn game box. As usual, it was an epic battle of wits. The CMEslinger was the more conservative player, racking up big scores with four “6s” and four “4s” to ensure the upper section bonus. The man in black went for the gusto time after time, hitting a lucky Yahtzee by rolling a pair of deuces on his final turn to join the other three “2s” already on the table and go along with the small and large straights he had already completed on his scorecard.

6:54…6:55…6:56

Both men were down to their last turn. The CMEslinger still had a void in his “Yahtzee” slot after patiently filling out the rest of his scorecard. The man in black’s sheet looked like a Picasso, with Xs through numerous squares, but big numbers in the “Yahtzee” slot. Were both men not mathematical savants, they might not have been able to tell who was winning and who was behind. But these men, with their acumen and experience, knew very well where things stood. The man in black needed at least two “3s” to take the lead and force the CMEslinger to roll a lucky, final Yahtzee.

The man in black grabbed the shaker. He got exactly what he needed, rolling a fateful, final “3” on his last turn to take the lead. Now it was up to the CMEslinger. The first roll was lucky – three “4s” to start with. He added a fourth “4” on his next turn, meaning that he needed just one die to turn his way on his last turn. Blowing on the shaker for luck before his fateful final throw, the CMEslinger wound up for the flick of the wrist before both men froze in place.

“Knock knock…knock knock…”

The men turned toward Marge.

“Accreditation with commendation,” she yelled in the direction of the door.

The lock clicked. The handle turned. The door opened.

“Hello Leon,” Marge said. “I assume you have news for us.”

“I do,” Leon said, strutting into the room, his eyes darting between the two combatants.

“This has been an interesting hour. At the beginning, attendees flooded to the CMEslinger’s symposium, lured in by the promise of new technology. Unfortunately, one fewer set of helping hands resulted in longer waits to help attendees figure out how to use the VR headsets, and despite the heroic efforts of your team, quite a few attendees became frustrated and left the room.”

The man in black stood up haughtily and extended a hand in the direction of the distraught CMEslinger. “It’s been nice knowing you, pal. Maybe this would be a good time to find that dappled palomino and sashay back into the desert.”

“Not so fast,” Leon said, turning toward the man in black. “You had a lot of catching up to do. The audience for your symposium was slow to trickle in. It was a restless bunch as your team waited for you to arrive, but once they finally kicked things off at 6:11, it was reasonably smooth sailing, although not particularly engaging. I saw a lot of learners crisscrossing the hallways going from one room to the other.”

“So who won?” asked the CMEslinger.

“Yeah, when do I need to order a Laz-e-boy recliner for the CMEslinger to celebrate his retirement?” questioned the man in black.

“The final tally was quite close,” Leon said. “We used high-tech infrared technology to count each and every individual that was in both rooms at 7 p.m. on the dot. Here are the totals…”

Leon cleared his throat.

“Man in black: 273”

“CMEslinger: 278”

The man in black slumped onto the couch, visibly crushed. In the back of his mind, of course he knew that this was a possibility, but no one had bettered him in competition since Larry Phillips won the Blueberry Pie Eating Contest in 10^th grade.

“I lost,” the man in black whispered into the thin air, shaking his head back and forth in disbelief. “I lost.”

The CMEslinger wanted desperately to celebrate, to give it back to the man in black with every ounce of snark that had been thrown his way over the last few months. But he saw the look of utter anguish on the face of his former friend, and he just couldn’t do it.

Instead, he grabbed the Yahtzee shaker and poured out that one final die. A “2.”

“Better luck next time,” the man in black said as he yanked on his trusty Stetson hat and headed for the door. “I’ll see you around…somewhere.”

***

Now that the CMEslinger saga is complete, you might want one document with the full story to read to your kids at bedtime (we promise that the man in black won’t cause them nightmares). It’s just a basic PDF of a Word document, but feel free to click here for all eight parts.

Here are three things that blew my mind this week.

1. Severance on Apple TV+. I’m a little late to the Severance party and just started watching it. I’ll be honest, I didn’t really read the show description previously and thought the show was about a group of people who get laid off and receive a severance payout (spoiler alert: it’s not), which sounded pretty boring to me. A friend recommended it, and I figured with all the buzz it was getting, there must be more to it than just Adam Scott moping around his house drinking cheap wine and watching Seinfeld reruns. Turns out that, thankfully, my first impression was way off. I won’t say too much, because I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who hasn’t watched, but suffice it to say that the first couple of episodes blew my mind and I’m still thinking about them. There is one scene where a character repeatedly tries to leave through an exit door and every time she walks through the doorway she ends up back in the hallway she was trying to leave. I had to watch it multiple times before I caught on to what was happening and then all I could do was nod my head in appreciation. A very clever, well-executed show.
2. The Library of Babel by Jorge Luis Borges. In Borges’s short story, the universe is a library composed of an indefinite number of hexagonal galleries filled with bookshelves. Each shelf contains thirty-five books; each book contains 410 pages; each page contains forty lines; each line contains 80 characters. There are a total of 25 possible characters: 22 letters (there’s a reason, but it’s not worth explaining here), 2 punctuation marks (comma and period) and a space. Each book contains a different sequence of the 25 characters. The universe contains a book for every possible sequence of the 25 characters (while the amount is vast, it is not infinite). No two books are identical. Thus, every possible book has been written on every possible subject. Everything. The history or Jupiter? Written. The true confessions of the Dread Pirate Scott Kober? Written. Predictions for the next fifty Super Bowls? Written. There is a book for everything. I still can’t quite wrap my brain around it. Borges does note that actually finding a specific book in this library is nearly impossible and could be a lifetime task. People go on lengthy expeditions to find a book that justifies their existence. It’s mind-blowing writing.
3. The CMEpalooza Spring agenda. No, it hasn’t been released yet, and we aren’t releasing it today. We’re cleaning up a few remaining details and plan to release it on Monday (March 3). But, obviously, I’ve had a chance to see it and I’m truly thrilled and amazed at the quality of abstracts we received and allowed us to put together what we both think is a pretty cool agenda. Is it mind-blowing? I mean, c’mon, I’m trying to do a thing here. No, it’s probably not mind-blowing, but we had some very clever submissions (there’s a beatboxer involved) and I was pleased at the number of “new faces” who submitted abstracts. It’s a really good agenda and we think you’re going to like it. More to come on Monday!

In our homes/apartments/caves, we all have that junk drawer where we stash things we don’t want to deal with in the moment. My junk drawer has things like batteries, travel-sized tissues, scissors, a glue stick, and some random receipts that were kept for some reason that probably made sense at the time but no longer do. I tried opening the junk drawer last night, and it got stuck for a few seconds before a forceful tug finally pried it open. Probably a good time to start cleaning it out.

Here at CMEpalooza, we have our own junk drawer filled with tidbits of information that Derek and I should probably pass along but that don’t require a full blog post. Since our junk drawer is getting full, we figured it was a good time to empty it out. So here goes:

When is the CMEpalooza Spring agenda coming out? My team keeps asking me and I don’t know what to tell anymore except for, ‘Soon.’

It’s coming out, uh, soon. We have all of the sessions selected and are just confirming times and initial faculty. It will likely be released either this Thursday or next Monday. You can be confident in setting aside the full day on Wednesday, April 16, for our unique brand of education.

How can I get emails automatically sent to me when there is a new blog post released? Your blog posts are the highlight of my week, and I have FOMO.

If you go to the bottom of our homepage, you’ll see a spot that says, “Follow Blog via Email.” Just enter in your email address and you’ll get each and every one of our pithy creations sent to you wrapped in a pretty little bow. We have about 1,100 subscribers to the blog right now so you’d be joining a pretty illustrious and select crowd.

I used to get emails when you released blog posts, but I don’t anymore. I have incredible FOMO, so can you please help me?

We don’t scrub anyone from our blog distribution list unless they ask us to remove them manually, so this is a you problem. Probably some overzealous IT person cranked up your company Spam filter to 10 and we erroneously are landing in the “bad boy” zone.

I see all of these amazing companies listed on your Sponsor tab. I have incredible FOMO, but I’m worried that it’s too late to come aboard as a sponsor for 2025. Is that true, yes or no?

Most definitely no. We take sponsors all the way up to the day of our live events. That said, we’ll be ramping up our promotional efforts in the next few weeks and will be holding our special Sponsor event in late March/early April, so probably better to commit sooner rather than later. If you want to check out all of the current sponsor opportunities, you can check out our 2025 Sponsor Prospectus.

I know that you guys always have lots of cool giveaways. What about this year?

So, along with our Sponsor event, we’ll be having the CMEpalooza STEPtacular Challenge, CMEpalooza Feeds the People, and CMEpalooza Scavenger Hunt in 2025. Basically, if you don’t find a way to get something from us for free this year, you aren’t trying.

I’ve got a big problem at work and could use some advice. Anyone you can think of who I should ask?

That’s what our CMEpalooza Ask Me Anything feature is for (yes, this is also a poorly veiled plea for some more submissions. We’re running a bit low). If you have an issue (professional or personal) you want us to help with, you can click here to submit your question(s). There is a decent chance we’ll get to it next month.

I’ve really gotten into the CMEslinger drama. My husband and I cozy up together in bed with a cup of joe and read it every Friday morning. How many more weeks can my snuggle bug and I look forward to?

Sadly for you and your snuggle bug, this week marks the conclusion of the CMEslinger drama. We thought that 8 parts were enough. However, based on the results of our LinkedIn poll showing that a whopping 75% of people wanted more of the CMEslinger (OK, only 8 people voted, but still), it is possible that we’ll be doing this again next year. Maybe.

I’m a huge dork fan but still have trouble with your name. Can you please clarify if it is CMEpalooza or CME palooza or CMEPalooza or CMEPALOOZA or CMEpalloza or whatever?

I’m so glad you asked. It’s very simple: our name is CMEpalooza. Take “CME” and add “palooza” to the end of it. “CME” is capitalized because it’s an acronym. “palooza” is not capitalized because it is not an acronym and you don’t say each letter individually.  CMEpalooza. That’s it.