CMEpalooza Channels “A Few Good Men”

When Derek sent over his most recent post for me to rewrite entirely (I am nice and often just claim I “edit” his work), I was in a punchy mood. That’s what happens when you work from home and your closest conversation buddy is a Phillie Phanatic pillow.

Anyway, Derek asked people to submit questions for our upcoming CMEpalooza Fall session entitled “Why Did My Grant Request Get Rejected?” (incidentally, still plenty of time to submit yours by going here) and what follows is the first thing I thought of.

Maybe you’ll laugh. Maybe you won’t. Just don’t ask me to act out the scene. It’s been done poorly by too many others too many times. Just imagine the voices in your head.

You want answers?

I think I’m entitled.

You want answers?!

I want the truth!

You can’t handle the truth! Son, we live in a world where grant requests get rejected every day. The education of an industry… no, the future of medicine and the health of the world is in my hands. I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. Who’s gonna educate our current and future healthcare workers? You, McGowan? You, Perez?

The truth is that you don’t want to know why your grant request got rejected because deep down in those places you don’t talk about at the Alliance meeting, you know that your gaps were flimsy, your educational design was laughable, and your outcomes were unmeasurable.

In our world, we use words like “needs assessment,” “quality improvement,” and “Level 7 outcomes.” We use these words as the backbone of a life improving patient outcomes. You use them as a punchline for CME knock knock jokes.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who supports his family thanks to my funding his $75,000 grant request. I would rather you just filed your outcomes report and reconciliation on time and be on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you fund your own educational activities. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Next month: We recreate one of the most memorable scenes from “Alf”  when we ask you to complete a brief survey or two from some of our other Fall panels.

5 thoughts on “CMEpalooza Channels “A Few Good Men”

    • It’s probably closer to the truth a lot of times than the generic, “We receive many worthy requests like yours every year but gosh darn, we simply cannot fund them all even though we really, really wish we could.”

  1. Oh my gosh, this is hilarious. I wish I had your creativity. I would put it to good use writing witty gaps and needs assessments for my grant proposals that would get their attention! I confess I’m disappointed not to see the “just say thank you” part of the monologue though. 😉

    • Thanks Bonnie! I had to make some modifications to the rhythm of the monologue to fit this – the “thank you” part would have been somewhere in the last paragraph. We can all use a little wit and creativity in our grant requests this time of year – that’s for sure.

  2. Pingback: LAST CHANCE: Submit Grant Review Questions by Monday | CMEPALOOZA

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