Rants and Raves

I know I don’t have to but I will remind you anyway because Derek told me I had to – CMEpalooza abstracts are due on Monday (that’s Feb. 1). The portal closes at midnight. Yes, there is actually a ceremony with court jesters and trumpeteers. This year, we’ve gone all out to hire a special guest celebrity to formally “close the portal.” You’ll have to show up at the secret location to find out who is it and what he/she is going to be wearing. I’m betting on something by Balenciaga.

But that’s not really what this post is about. It’s about tying things that bug me to something related to CMEpalooza. So here goes:

1. “If everyone in this room gave $20, we’d far exceed our goal.” This is such a cliched guilt trip for donations. You know what, if the rich guy in the corner gave $20,000, no one else would have to give a cent, you’d meet your goal, and I’d be happy. On that note, if every single person reading this post submitted a CMEpalooza abstract on Monday, we’d have at least, I figure, 5 or 6 abstracts. So get cracking, Sparky.
2. “Oh, I’m sorry, am I blocking your view?” Yes, Mom of the Year candidate, I understand that you got here 30 minutes early to get a front row seat and you feel the need to stand up during today’s production so that the angle of your phone is perfect to capture Little Anna’s moment of glory. BUT I CAN’T FRIGGING SEE! So either you sit your butt down right now or you get an elbow to the back of your head. Your choice. On that note, I’ll save everyone reading this post a front row seat at both our Spring and Fall events. See? Everybody wins with CMEpalooza!
3. “Wait, it’s due today? I don’t remember seeing an email about that.” I’m sorry, perhaps I should have put a flier in the mail and stapled it to your forehead. You got not 1, not 2, and not even 3 reminders about the deadline (that would make 4 reminders, I suppose). The deadline is today. No extensions. I know you’re busy. As my dad would say, “Tough.” On that note, we don’t play games like some other meetings where the deadline isn’t really a deadline and year after year there are “special circumstances” that warrant an extension. You really only have until midnight on Monday (that’s February 1) to go to the Presenter portal and submit your abstract.

End of rant. Continue with your day.