First things first. If you were hiding under a rock last week (side note: who came up with this expression? Hiding under a rock. No one hides under a rock. If you tried to hide under a rock, you would be dead. Dumb.) or not paying attention because you were too busy binging HBO’s Perry Mason (fantastic), you may have missed our release of the 2020 CMEpalooza Fall agenda. I think we have a number of really great sessions, but then I always think that, so you should check it out yourself.

And speaking of really great sessions, the CMEpalooza archive has been updated to include all of the sessions from CMEpalooza Spring (note from Scott: Never let it be said that Derek doesn’t work quickly. It’s only been, oh, 4 months since the Spring event). It is crazy how many sessions are in the archive now. I could count them all up and tell you exactly how many there are, but…I don’t feel like it. Let’s just go with an official designation of “a lot.”

For a visual representation of the amount of sessions Scott and I have produced, here is a collage of pictures of Scott or me from every session.

Because it is hilarious, each of these pictures is a screenshot of when Scott or I first appears on screen. A few things I noticed:

• Scott has his eyes closed at least five times. I have no idea why, but it made me LOL each time.
• I have my mouth hanging open in multiple pics. Not sure if I started talking too early or if I’m just staring dumbly into the camera like Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.
• Scott changes shirts in between sessions way more often than I realized. He is the the Lady Gaga of CMEpalooza.
• I wore the same shirt for four different paloozas. I was mortified as I went through the pictures and realized it (“Oh no, not the same shirt again!”)

So, be sure to join us for CMEpalooza Fall on Wednesday, October 14 and find out if I break out the same shirt for a fifth palooza and count Scott’s wardrobe changes. It’s fun for the whole family.

I spent a few minutes this weekend on YouTube with my son watching some of the great ’80s chewing gum commercials.

Big Red

Doublemint

Juicy Fruit

And the best one of all, Big League Chew

Perhaps it’s just because I was reliving childhood nostalgia, but man, they just don’t write product jingles like they used to. I have tried for years to convince Derek to create a CMEpalooza jingle, but apparently, if it’s not a haiku, his brain simply can’t compute.

In the ’80s, it was these product jingles that set brands apart. You’d walk into the neighborhood drug store (Thrift Drug for me [Drug Fair for me -Derek]), scan the rows of gum choices, immediately set aside Trident and Dentyne (“Yuck”), take one step toward Bubble Yum Bananaberry Split before being rapped on the head by mom or dad (“It’s all sugar!”), and then head straight to the gum that represented your favorite jingle. They had the catchiest tune, so surely their gum must be good, right? We were such idiots.

It’s in that spirit of creativity that we present to you today the CMEpalooza Fall agenda. Back when we were the only virtual live event for the CME industry, we knew that we could trot out any old slop and people would watch (we didn’t, of course, but we could have [note from Derek: good save.]). Now, however, the COVID-19 pandemic has forced us to up our game. Everyone wants a piece of what used to exclusively be our domain, so we’ve been extra thoughtful in putting together a creative agenda for CMEpalooza Fall (Wednesday, Oct. 14 – mark your calendars).

We have our first-ever whodunit. Another winner-take-something (or nothing?) trivia contest. Project managers get put into the spotlight for the first time. And then, of course, we tackle some of the big issues of the day (social justice, COVID-19), but in an interesting, unique way that will hopefully keep your attention.

We’ll have much more information on each of these sessions soon (and hopefully will fill in the few remaining “TBA” slots) but for now, take a gander at the Fall agenda while you hum your favorite product jingle. If you are feeling really inspired, maybe you can save Derek some time and come up with the official CMEpalooza jingle. We promise to give you partial credit.

 

Being a child of the ’80s, there are few things that I enjoy more than a good hair metal power ballad. The spandex, the hair, the guitar solos, the five-second screech — it all combines into a ball of cheesy goodness. Let’s do a quick Top 5 Hair Metal Power Ballads, shall we?

(In case you are baffled by the term “hair metal,” I think this picture of the band Poison sums it up pretty well.)

5. Guns N’ Roses – Patience

4. Skid Row – I Remember You

3. Whitesnake – Here I Go Again

2. Poison – Every Rose Has Its Thorn

1. Warrant – Heaven

The key with any top notch power ballad is to not let the plaintive wailing turn into whining. Nobody likes a whiner. White Lion’s When the Children Cry is a prime example of wailing turning to whining. It has the hair, the clothes, the soaring guitar riffs — but when the chorus kicks in, lead singer Mike Tramp’s vocals remind me of when my kids were little and cried about going to bed. It’s a little like nails on a chalkboard.

In an effort to avoid becoming the White Lion of the CME world, I’d like to offer a very cordial and pleasant reminder that today is the last day for you to recommend a program manager for our Program Managers: We Get the Job Done! session at CMEpalooza Fall on October 14. We have had a nice response so far, but welcome anyone else who has someone you would like to suggest. Just follow this link to read about it and complete the form.

And if anyone has a favorite power ballad you would like to add to my list above, please feel free to let me know in the comments. I know there are some closet Stryper, Winger, and Kix fans out there. Put on your acid-washed jean jacket with the Mötley Crüe patch and join in!