No haiku or limericks or Top 5 lists or trivia competitions or MS Paint cartoons or political satire or CME Detectives or reminiscences of favorite concerts or poking fun at Scott (so easy!) or fake awards or Sixers references or any other clever (and less clever) gimmicks.

This is a straightforward plea for you to submit your questions for the CMEpalooza Hotline by the end of the day today. One of our panelists is located in Hawaii so the hotline will be open late. We have a few questions; we could use more. This is your chance to get your burning grants questions answered!

As a reminder, there are two options to submit your questions:

Option #1:

Option #2: Text your questions to the Grants Hotline at 267-666-0CME (0263)

Kids these days have it easy.

OK, fine, maybe they don’t have it easy in every way, but I’m talking about important things. Like the movie theater experience.

(Warning: I’m about to sound like an old geezer)

Back when we were kids, we used to have to sit through at least 3 minutes of boring credits before any movie started. I’m sure it was quite the thrill for the mom and dad of the second associate producer in charge of film sets in Asia, but for the rest of us, COME ON AND START THE MOVIE ALREADY!

But you know what didn’t suck? The coming attractions!

I guess if you read Variety or one of those industry magazines, you knew about the big blockbuster movies that were coming out in 6 months, but 13-year-old, sports-obsessed boys like me didn’t read any rag besides Sport magazine (the naughty cousin to the more expensive and popular Sports Illustrated), so the only way I knew what to look forward to in theaters was to show up on time to the start of whatever movie I was seeing and catch the coming attractions. Sometimes, the coming attractions were better than the movie itself (I’m looking at you, Beetlejuice).

So if coming attractions are so much fun, why haven’t Derek and I ever provided you, our loyal blog readers, with a list of the important coming attractions prior to our Spring and Fall meetings? Well, there is a very good reason for that, and here it is:

We usually don’t know what the coming attractions are until, I dunno, 15 minutes before we trot out something new.

Let’s briefly take a look at today’s text message exchange between Derek and I to show you what I mean (and yes, this happens every week):

DEREK: You got anything for the blog this week? If not, I guess I can figure out a way to write last week’s blog using different words but basically saying the same thing.

ME: No, I’ll think of something. (Idea pops into head) I got it. No worries.

DEREK: OK, cool. Can you put in a reminder about The Grants Hotline?

And that, boys and girls, is how you put in a reminder without obnoxiously putting in a reminder. (So yes, go to the Grants Hotline and submit your questions [note from Derek: Please?])

Anyway, back to coming attractions. This fall, we actually have more plans than usual, so I thought I’d offer a few teasers to whet your appetite.

COMING ATTRACTION #1 (late September/early October): CMEpalooza sponsor event. Will we see a return of CMEpalooza Pursuit? Maybe Cluedo palooza will make a comeback? Or maybe we’ve got something brand new in store? Ooh, the suspense.

COMING ATTRACTION #2 (early October): The debut of a brand new event, the CMEpalooza STEPtacular Challenge. Is this something where Derek shows off his dance moves on TikTok? Maybe STEP is an acronym for something really cool that you’ll never figure out in a million years? You’ll just have to wait and see.

COMING ATTRACTION #3 (mid-October): CMEpalooza Haiku. Nothing much I can do to jazz this up. Derek writes pithy, non-rhyming verse. He’s been doing it for so long that it’s pretty much automatic. Snoozefest. (note from Derek:

these words ring untrue
it takes great skill but I do
make rhyming haiku)

COMING ATTRACTION #4 (Wednesday, October 19): A very special day that I dare not talk about lest I give it all away. OK, fine, it’s CMEpalooza Fall.

The following is a factual statement: the #1 requested topic for CMEpalooza (Every. Single. Time.) is “More content about grants.” It doesn’t matter how many times we do one, people want more. With that in mind, now is your opportunity to get all your grants-related questions answered. The Grants Hotline is officially open and operators are standing by!

Our Grants Hotline session is scheduled for 3 pm ET during CMEpalooza Fall (Wednesday, Oct. 19), and the concept is fairly simple. Submit your question via one of the methods listed below and our expert panel will answer it*. That’s it, that’s the session. The more questions you ask, the more content we have.

*I feel obligated to state that your question needs to be related to the grants process, panelists can opt out of questions they aren’t comfortable answering, and we might not be able to get to every question. I also feel obligate to state that tonight is the first game of the NFL season, which has nothing to do with CMEpalooza but is still important to know, nonetheless.

How to submit your questions:

Option #1:

Option #2: Text your questions to the Grants Hotline at 267-666-0CME (0263)

We are going to leave the Grants Hotline open until September 22, so you have two weeks to get your questions in. After that, you will just have to wait until CMEpalooza on October 19. Rumor has it that our fearless moderator will be showing off his Hotline Bling dance moves at the end of the session. Tune in to find out! (note: he didn’t actually tell me that he would be dancing, nor did I ask him, but he also didn’t not tell me that he would be dancing, so who knows?)