On March 12, the beginning of the pandemic lockdown in Philadelphia, I posted the following on Facebook:

Three weeks later:

Six months later (note from Scott: technically, five and a half, but whatever) and these same people are still in our houses, which is why I am hear to talk to you about setting appropriate expectations for the day of CMEpalooza, now less than a month away (Wednesday, October 14, if you forgot).

Let’s all be honest and admit that there is a nonzero chance that one of the following things will happen during any virtual conference:

• A panelist’s video or audio feed glitches because they have multiple kids at home sucking up all the bandwidth with virtual school or watching episodes of Cobra Kai or both at the same time (both of my kids will be home for virtual school during CMEpalooza. Say a little prayer for me and Verizon FIOS on October 14.)
• A viewer watching the livestream at home has their video start buffering or pausing. We sometimes get complaints about this in the eval comments, so it’s time for a little come-to-Jesus moment: It’s not us, it’s you. If the video you are watching starts buffering, it’s because of an issue with your internet…probably because you have multiple kids at home sucking up all the bandwidth with virtual school or watching episodes of Cobra Kai or both at the same time.
• Someone’s kid/spouse/pet appears on screen because they didn’t realize or didn’t care that there was a video call going on. Frankly, at this point I’m disappointed when it doesn’t happen. Seriously, when was the last time someone’s cute kid or pet showed up on screen and it didn’t make you smile? We should start making it a requirement.
• Power outage. It happens. Fortunately we can usually just have people use their phone and everything is fine. It’s not yet happened to Scott or me, but we have had some close calls (my power went out for 15 minutes one year.) My neighbors are currently having an addition put on to the back of their house and the idiots gentlemen working there have already cut our power once.

One of the unexpected pleasantries that has evolved from the bloom of pandemic-initiated virtual programming is that it has made me feel much better about the production value of CMEpalooza. Watching media monoliths like ESPN and CNN experience the exact same technical issues that we sometimes have during CMEpalooza has definitely been a boost to my self-esteem.

There will be glitches. There will be interruptions. There will be mistakes. The show will go on and it will be fine.

Because I know it will annoy Scott, I wrote a haiku to summarize the moral of this post. I call it Pandemic Haiku.

it’s fine it’s fine it’s
fine it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine
everything’s fine

(note from Scott: Don’t tell Derek, but once again he failed to count syllables properly — check line 3, doofus — so this is not technically a haiku and I am OK with it)

(note from Derek: You come at the king, you best not miss https://www.howmanysyllables.com/words/everything’s)

[3 months ago]

Derek and Scott return to their secret lair somewhere in northwest Philadelphia, last visited in March, to discuss Derek’s latest idea for CMEpalooza.

Scott: “OK, I’m here. What?”

Derek: “Now here me out on this, but what if we have a meal for everyone?”

Scott: [stares directly at Derek, a look of profound incredulity on his face]

Derek: “Pretty good idea, right?? I knew you would love it.”

Scott: [opens mouth to talk but says nothing as it continues to hang open]

Derek: “Go ahead — you can tell me how much you love it.”

Scott: “Um, don’t we run a virtual conference?”

Derek: “Correct!”

Scott: “There are no people physically here.”

Derek: “Yes.”

Scott: “There are no meals.”

Derek: “Right.”

Scott: [stands up to leave]

Derek: “No no no no no no….wait! Wait! Grubhub! Grubhub!”

Scott: [glaring] “What?’

Derek: [talking fast] “We can give everyone Grubhub vouchers. They’re only good for the day of the conference and people can use them to buy food to eat while watching a session.”

Scott: [slowly sits back down]: “That is…not a terrible idea. We can’t afford to send every participant who watches a voucher, though.”

Derek: “Maybe we can add it to the Sponsorship Prospectus and ask some of our amazing sponsors (who will definitely not read this in a blog post 3 months in the future) if they would like to support it.”

Scott: [folding his arms] “This is actually a pretty good idea. I like it.”

Derek: “Thank you.”

Scott: [eyeing Derek suspiciously] “What else?”

Derek: “Nothing.”

Scott: [still looking doubtful] “Really?”

Derek:“…so about that Sixers post I suggested back in Mar-”

Scott: [slams door on way out] [peels out in driveway]

We are still looking for sponsors for CMEpalooza Feeds the People, which you can read about it the Sponsorship Prospectus. If you are interested in supporting it or finding out more details, please email Scott at scott@medcasewriter.com.

 

I know that many of my fellow parents have already begun the “school year like no other,” but for many of us in the Northeast, school begins the day after Labor Day (I checked my calendar and that’s today).

Seems like every work call now begins with “So what is your child/children doing this fall?” so that we can all commiserate about how much this all really, really sucks. There is always that little tinge of anger/jealousy when I hear another parent tell me that their child’s school is open even for 1 day a month. But hey, “We’re all in this together,” right? God how I hate that phrase right now.

Anyway, since CMEpalooza is a full-service event, I thought it might be helpful to provide you a Bingo card so that you can see how your day is going. Unfortunately, there is no prize for winning, but perhaps you can keep track of how quickly you can complete a row (horizontal, vertical, or diagonal) and see if you can set a personal record each week. I’m 10 minutes into the virtual school year and I’ve already checked off three boxes. This should be easy.

CLICK HERE FOR YOUR VERY OWN CMEPALOOZA VIRTUAL SCHOOL BINGO CARD